The process is called "Goal Fuel" and (if you remember), there were 5 steps to Creating (and Actually Accomplishing) Goals. Last week we covered Step #1 which is to "Start with What You Have" (namely Gratitude).
If you missed that, you can read it all here.
Today, we move to the next Step in accomplishing nearly anything which is...
#2 Achieve Total Mind Control
Now I know that verbiage sounds harsh. Between us, I mean it to sound that way. That's because there is literally nothing more important than being a master of your thoughts. Everything good starts with how you think...and certainly everything bad starts there too. Have you ever wondered why some people can be so happy even in bad circumstances? It's all in the mind.
The faster you learn to control your thinking, the faster you'll be onto changing the world.
Simply put: the fastest way to think well is to be around people who think like you want to think.
The late Jim Rohn once said that, "You are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with." When I heard that 15 years ago, I realized I needed some new friends. I realized that if I kept hanging out with lemmings, I'd end up one myself. So I consciously sought new friendships and alliances with people who I wanted to become like. I found people in the 7-Figure range who had a mission of changing the world. And wouldn't you know it...I was in the 7-Figure category within 2-years. The funny thing is I later realized those old friends weren't really friends after all. I think they just liked drinking my beer.
Anyhoo, I wrote an entire section of my book The 21-Day Miracle on how to evaluate (and prune) your relationships, so I thought that would be a good fit here.
How to Create a Network with a Net Worth
Step #1: Evaluate Your Current Relationships
Here is a one hour exercise that you can do now: open the "contacts" section of your phone and make a list of everyone with whom you have a relationship. Mom and Dad count, as do your siblings and any friends or business associates. The guy who cleans your pool doesn't count, unless you happen to be "close" and then we have other things to talk about.
Having made your list, I want you to give each person a score.
1—This person makes your life harder, is difficult to be around, or steals energy from you. In other words, they are a gigantic pain in the posterior.
2—This person neither adds nor takes away from you. Neutral.
3—This person gives you more life and you love being around them.
Be as mercenary and emotionless as you can when scoring your list. Be a robot. If you can't, get someone else to help you (preferably someone who isn't a "1"). Don't bump anyone up just because they are close or family. If your sister is a horrible person and she makes your life hell, she is a "1."
Now that you have your list, let's move onto Step #2 and what to do with all those "1"s.
Step #2: Prune Negative Relationships
Prune might be the wrong word. Perhaps we should try something more aggressive like: hack, chop, annihilate, or destroy.
Sound awful? It is.
That's because there is a long list of people in your life right now who you just scored "1" that shouldn't be there at all. Call them what you want, they are sucking away your time, energy, and ambition. I don't know how they got into your life. Maybe you met at college. Maybe they live next door. Maybe they are married to your spouse's best friend. Maybe they gave birth to you.
However they got in your life it's time to do one of two things: either Eliminate Them or RTR Them.
Eliminate Them is for people you have a choice about being around (i.e. not family). Also, Eliminate Them doesn't involve the mob. I may be an introvert, but I'm not that cold.
All I am saying is just never talk to them again.
Ever.
Sounds hard, but it's really easy. If they ask, just say you're busy. If they text, don't text back. If they call, don't answer. They'll get the point soon and you'll be free.
I know you just told yourself nine reasons why you can't do this. And I know you probably think I am the meanest person on Planet Earth. Just go back a page. You just scored this person a "1" for crying out loud. That means they are awful and need to go. You don't "owe" them anything so just get on with it.
RTR means "Re-Define The Relationship." This is for people who are "1"s, but you have no choice about being around them. The list includes: co-workers, your boss, or close family members. For these folks, you're going to have to have a conversation. I know this idea scares the dickens out of you and that's ok. You'll soon find that there is a lot of power on the other side of this little discussion and wish you had it a long time ago.
The process is simple, just sit down with the person and say something like,
- Hey there, (insert name of time-sucking, evil-person-who-scored-a-1), we need to talk so have a seat. I don't know how you are going to take this and frankly I don't care, but I've come to the realization lately that you're not a very positive person to have in my life. I want to be around you, but here are a few examples of things I could do without. (Insert a few examples). So, as a way of honoring our relationship I thought it was important to bring it to you so we could talk about making this better.
Pause.
Listen.
Say whatever comes to mind, but don't back down.
And then you're done.
After saying what you have to say, you're going to get one of only two responses. 99% of people you confront will immediately begin to apologize and make things right. Well done.
The other 1% will stiffen their necks and fight back.
Either way, you've taken control and Re-Defined the (wobbly) Relationship so you win.
By the way, I know you're going to be super nervous going into that conversation and that's fine and normal. Just press through it because you have two choices: a hard 20 minutes or a hard 20 years. Plus, it's not your fault the person is a "1." It's theirs. So stop making excuses for them and bending your life around their dysfunction.
Don't spend four days practicing the conversation in your head or writing it all out either. Just do it. Speak from the heart. And that means speaking in person if you can. Otherwise on the phone. Never use email, a letter, or text for this conversation. Never. Most people say things over email that they would never say in public, so if you want to get a good, healthy, honest response from the "1", speak to them person-to-person. Plus, you'll resolve this quicker that way, in 20 minutes instead of an email battle that turns into a consuming "reply to all" slugfest.
You can do this.
Oh—and one more reason to have this conversation now: you'll get a big reward at the end.
Within minutes of the conversation ending, you will feel actual power surging into your body. Know what that is? It's all the strength you've been giving that person all these years. That power is all coming back to you—and it feels good.
Nature abhors a vacuum, so when you cut ties with your horrible 1-rated excuse for "friends" the world will conspire to give you new ones. Only this time, they'll be the kind of people you want to be around. They'll encourage and inspire you. And you'll be glad you took the time and had the courage to set things right.
Step #3: Grow Your Good Relationships
So we dealt with the "1's." And it was hard, but you did it. Now you feel good—really good. So let's take care of the other two categories.
Nothing happens with "2's". They are just there. And after that last page, I am sure you're happy to hear that.
Now that you've freed up some space and don't have all of those abhorrent and abominable "1's" in your life, it's time to dedicate some attention to the fascinating and fabulous "3's."
Grow your list of those folks and feel the wind breeze through your hair as you get one step closer to your Goals.
You may even want to make a list of the goals you have and the people you want to meet who have already accomplished those goals. They'd be a good new friend who can help you get where you want.
Ok, that's all for now.
The good news is we're on track to accomplishing BIG things. The even better news is we haven't even finished Step #2 (Achieving Total Mind Control).
So next week, I am going to take you behind the scenes to share 2 HUGE brain hacks that can massively accelerate your success.
Out.
Ed
P.S. Speaking of networks!
If you are not in a high level mastermind group, you are missing out on one of the fastest wealth accelerators on Planet Earth. The good news is I have a mastermind group and the great news is you're invited.
You can review the info here and fill out the application.
(A refundable deposit gets you a 1-on-1 call with me to see if it's a good fit)
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